Not hidden

As we all know, and I constantly remind myself, I try to make this blog about the fun things we do.  However, that only paints half the picture, maybe even less.  I certainly am NOT fun and games all the time.  I do not "have it all together" just on the days I look like I do....and even then I am cutting things out.  I am sure I could rant and rave a lot more on this blog than I report the fun things.  Life is crazy, at times not easy, and certainly pretty messy. 

I am often an emotional wreck praying the Lord would hold me together just one more day.  And then the days come when I don't pray  at all...and I fall apart.  It is easy to see my spiritual state based on my behavior, which is sad.  It is easy to look at me and know if I've been reading my Bible, taking captive my thoughts, and laying myself down at the foot of the cross in obedience to God....or if I've been living in my own strength and therefore dying. 

Lately, unfortunately, it's been the latter, and I'm quite certain it has shown on the outside.  I have felt a whole gamut of emotions, blaming others for my feelings and discontentment....all the while hearing His quiet voice beconing me to give it to him, to let go of my grip on myself and cling to the cross.  And, every day I have turned away in spite and said, No...I can do this on my own, and if I can't, it's Your fault.

Yet, unswervingly, He continues to pursue me.  Reminding me to take His yoke upon me because it is light and throw down the burden I am carrying because it is crushing me.

He whispers to me,
²⁷ Why do you complain, Jacob(Michele)?
   Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD;
   my cause is disregarded by my God”?
²⁸ Do you not know?
   Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
   the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
   and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
   and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
   and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
   they will run and not grow weary,
   they will walk and not be faint.
(Isaiah 40: 27-31)

I am so thankful for times like these, when I am reminded of God's grace because even in my selfish sinfulness, He still pursues me.  Even when I think I am hidden from Him, he does not grow tired or weary.  He is the perfect Father, even to an imperfect mother, daughter and wife.