I went to a session called "The Busy Mom's Guide to Romance", which was based off the book of the same name. She talked a lot about the vortex that mom's get into. This whirlwind of pride, comparison, busyness, desperation and even depression. She reminded us that our children, wonderful as they may be, will be leaving home one day and we will be left with our husbands. If we want our marriages to survive, to be full of life and excitement, we need to continue to work on that relationship first and foremost. Our spouse is who we will have with us all our life, our children are only with us for a few years. I love and agree with that thinking.
Although we've had some difficult circumstances come up over the years, I've always felt like Jeremy and I had a pretty great relationship and a wonderful marriage. But, I also see that it is something we are constantly working on. As we quickly approach the 10 year mark, we can see signs of the vortex trying hard to suck us in and distract us from what is most important in our lives. Long hours at work, busyness at home, homeschooling, homeschooling, homeschooling, chores, commitments, and the list could go on and on.
Well, Heidi St. John challenged those of us at her session to remember "That Girl". You know, "That Girl" your husband first met. "That Girl" who was exciting, adventurous and ready to tackle life. "That Girl" who enjoyed time with him and would do anything she could do to be around him. Well, "That Girl" gets lost after several years of marriage, pregnancy and childbirth, raising children, working, homeschooling, taking care of the home, cooking endless meals and cleaning up even more endless messes.
I started to think about "That Girl" my husband first met. She was fun, energetic, at times fearless (remember that crazy flight we took with just a lawn mower engine and a parachute, or skydiving, or riding the bull while white water rafting), bubbly, slightly airheaded, compassionate, adventurous. "That Girl" was pretty fun to be around;)
Then, I started to think about who "That Girl" became. Serious, timid, afraid of failure, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of others getting hurt, focused on all that is undone (laundry, cleaning, mopping, chores, chores, chores). "That Girl" became resentful of much of life and to be honest quite fearful of living it.
So, it has been a quiet ambition of mine to find "That Girl" again. I want out of the vortex! One way out is to capture time together that may have slowly been given away to other things (laundry for instance ;). So, I started looking for ways to gain time with my main man;)
Jeremy has always liked to play golf. I have pretty much always hated when he would go to play. It was expensive (especially in Naples!). It took 4-5 hours away from the family, usually on a weekend when I wanted him around (in part to tackle my 'honey do' lists...even if they were unspoken). The equipment is expensive and well, it took him away from me. So, I would say, since we've been married, he's played 2 to 3 rounds of golf a year.
Now we live in an area where is it much more affordable to golf or go to the driving range. So, he's played a lot more recently. But, those little feelings of resentment toward the game would creep in...no matter how hard I would try to smother them with nice words.
Until....until I listened to Heidi St. John. It recently hit me that instead of being frustrated when he wanted to play a round of golf, or go to the range for an hour, I should join him and make it into a fun time! That's what "That Girl" would have done 10 or 12 years ago!
So, I asked him to buy me some clubs. The hard part was talking him into not buying me the best...because, you know Jeremy, he likes the best:) I bought my clubs at Target and I love them (they are purple by the way). When I told him I wanted to start golfing with him, I think he was a little wary of the idea. He wanted to make sure that I really wanted to play. That I would count every shot (even if it went backward, which I am famous for doing). He wanted me to really learn how to play and to enjoy it, and improve, and talk about it with him. I decided that learning to play and talk about golf with my husband was just as important to him as it was to me!
We went to the range a couple of times and well, I have a lot of improving to do. We've watched some videos on You tube, and even a DVD he has. I still don't "get it", but I am learning.
Yesterday was the test. How would I really do! We decided to play 9 holes, and had to bring the kids along. The kids did great. They had fun riding around. Nicole had on her nature vest and butterfly net (they found some baby armadillos that we would have simply passed by). Although Jeremy and I didn't get to ride together, we did get to play together. He was excited when I hit the ball well, and encouraged me when I only hit it 10 feet.
I thought the best part happened on hole four. It was a par four hole...and I did it! I made it in four strokes and got a par! yay!!!!
But, something better happened a few holes later. It was just a little par 3. I teed off and the ball landed just to the left of the green. I took my pitching wedge out and did a practice swing.
"Woa, woa....way to hard babe! You'll hit it clear over the green and into the water." He said.
So, I tried again,
"Still to hard. You need to slow your swing down. Short backstroke, slowly bring it through, and follow through. Golfing takes finesse."
So, I practiced again and he said it looked better. I stepped up to the ball, and tried to follow all of his advice. It was a beautiful chip, with a nice arc. It landed and rolled, rolled, rolled...RIGHT INTO THE HOLE!!!! I chipped it into the hole! I got a birdie!
I threw my club in the air and screamed (probably not allowed on the golf course). He came running across to me and I jumped into a giant hug! He was so proud of me...and at that moment I thought, "There she is! There is "That Girl".
Although I scored several 10s and even an 11 on a hole, I'm excited to go golfing again. Maybe God gave me that great shot to give me hope and reminder that at that moment, I was doing the right thing with my husband.
Although laundry, cooking, cleaning, and homeschooling are all big parts of my life that can not be forgotten....I can still find time to be "That Girl" to my dear husband. He is a wonderful man, and I want to continue to build a great relationship with him. I have been changed by marriage and kids and life...but I am still "That Girl" who was 19 and fearless. I want to see her a little more often, and I think my husband likes to see her every once in a while too:)
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