The day I started barking

About two weeks ago, my friend shared this story on Facebook.  It's about a mother who realized she was yelling at her children far to often.  Her first instinct was often to assume the worst and start yelling at her children.  Until one day, she realized that when out in public, or with others, she was able to exhibit the self control not to yell (even at the craziest of circumstances), so why would she do it at home in private.  Why treat her children worse in private than she did in public when others were watching and noticing.

This story hit home.   I know I had started yelling far more than usual.  In fact, while reading this particular story, I was laying...face down on my couch, while two of my children were upstairs yelling at one another (hmmm...wonder where they learned that from!).  Their fight ended with crying on one end, and temper tantrum on the other.  All the while, I'm reading this blog post and listening to the chaos upstairs, realizing that this all went together.  My children's attitudes were a strong reflection of my own.

I think that almost all parents struggle with this in one way or another at some point in their parenting. Some parents do it more, some do it less.  I tend to go in waves that seem to directly correspond with the stress and/or pressure in my own life.

So, I realized at that moment of listening to my own kids scream at each other that something needed to change.  I was not even close to being the Godly example I want to be for them and this needed to change.

I read another post by the same lady who said she promised her kids that she would not yell at them for a year and she had some fun (and funny) things she did to avoid yelling at her children (btw, I do not endorse some of her alternatives...but most are funny).  I shared some of this with Jeremy, and my kids listened.  I think they all thought I was a little kooky, but I made a secret little promise to myself to stop yelling at them.

Instead, I shared with my family what some of my ways to avoid yelling would be.  The two best ways would be.....barking....and tickling.  Yep, barking.  Like a dog.  That weekend, I had many moments to yell at my children.  But instead I would say, "I'm going to start barking soon."  Everyone would stop what they were doing and smile.  (A few times I had to demonstrate, but it always turned into laughter...I mean, who can keep a straight face when someone is barking at you ;)

Now it's become a family joke.  When it gets crazy, or I feel like no one is listening....I'll start to bark....or tell them I'm about to.  The funniest time is when Jeremy looks at me, then at the kids and says, "Uh oh guys....looks like mom is getting ready to start barking....let's get this done".

It's been almost two weeks, and I have not once gotten in anyone's face and yelled at them (a little back story....I would almost always ask/tell very nicely, sweetly, then more firm, and on and on....and the room would not be clean.  But, as soon as I got in a face and yelled, it would be done in less than 10 minutes....SO Annoying!  It would make me so mad, and ruin everyone's day!)  But, I have not done that in two weeks.  That's all...it's only been 14 days, but there has been a change.  The days with the kids, albeit not perfect, have been more pleasant.  We still have tantrums, and the kids still fight, but I've noticed their tone with each other has changed.  We are dealing with our anger and sinful natures in different, more respectful ways.  Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his rage, but a wise man keeps himself under control."  

Yep...we all get mad.  But, we must train ourselves to be wise.  We need God to restore the broken, sinful, foolish hearts of ours and allow him to make us wise.  I don't know...I may yell again, and I'll repent and ask forgiveness, but I am thankful to see the Lord working in this area of my life.  Our family is happier, more content, shows more love and respect, and it's all around better for everyone.  The outside pressures on me that I always blamed my yelling on hasn't changed, but my perspective has.

When reading the original article, I realized that if I give this to the Lord, He would help me.  He would change me.  And, the bonus is that although he's changing me....he's also changing my children as they learn to imitate me.

Hiking

Nicole is still pretty set on hiking the Appalachian trail (when she's 12 she says).  So, we are trying to take her hiking every so often.

Jeremy and the girls set off a few weeks ago, well equipped for a couple mile hike:)  They were so excited so spend this time with daddy :)

They went to a near by trail head and explored every nook and cranny they could find:)  However, they did not get very far because of all the exploring going on.

showing off his knife

Two weeks later, Grammy and gramps came down for a visit, and Nicole wanted to hiking with Grammy.  So, one Saturday, while the guys went golfing, Grammy and I took the kids out.  I have never been down one of these trails before...but they seemed harmless enough.  It was basically a long, straight trail, with a loop at the end.  The map made it appear that the loop would reconnect with the main, straight trail.

Off we went, not as well prepared as daddy was, but hey...it was suppose to be an hour or so hike.  We can handle that, right?

We made our way down the straight trail, making good time.  When we got to the loop, we went off to the right and walked through some upland scrub areas of Florida (this is the part of Florida that I don't think is very pretty, just my opinion).

The kids caught grasshoppers, stick bugs, and other insects.

After about an hour and half, we made the turn, into more of a wetland area.  There was a small, somewhat raised trail that had swampy water on both sides.  We saw some large birds.  Grammy and the kids all decided this was a good place to sit and have a little snack Nicole had prepared.  

Confession:  I don't enjoy hiking in the woods.  I don't enjoy sitting on a trail, 2 miles from car, surrounding by swamp water.  I know what could be in that water.  I know what likes to live in scrub lands.  And, I don't want to see any of those creatures unless I'm at a zoo, and they are behind glass.  I just don't.  But, I went for my daughter.

So, back to where we are, sitting, enjoying a little snack.  We get up and keep walking down the little trail.  The kids kept picking up sticks on the side and throwing them into the water.  Of course, I'm watching for snakes and alligators.  I finally got them to stop picking up sticks and convinced them that it wasn't the smartest idea where we were at.

Less than two minutes later, as I'm gazing the trail and waters...I spot it.  The girls and Grammy had just passed, but Nate and I haven't yet (he was lallygagging behind).  I tried to say very calming "Everyone keep walking, just keep walking".  Of course, the girls all stopped and turned around ;)  Nate stops, so I walk back to pick him up and hustle by a large water moccasin.  It was hanging out, just off the path, with his head facing the water (although I'm sure he knew we were there....I didn't want to bother him one bit).  I was TERRIFIED!  Those snakes are mean, and aggressive, and I hated that I was there!  (although I do wish I would have taken a picture...I was just to scared.

I hustled everyone along through the wetlands until we were on a path that wasn't surrounded by water.  As my adrenaline levels went down, we slowed our walking again and kept following the path.

I started feeling like we were not going to right direction when I noticed that the fence was on our left, as it had been walking about.  If we were walking back to the car, shouldn't the fence be on our right?  But, I didn't say anything and kept going (that was probably the biggest mistake.  I should have trusted myself, right?)  We started to go back again into a wetter environment, and the trail began to look less traveled.  The kids were getting tired, and we were starting to feel really lost.

I finally looked up our location on the phone and realized that we were going the wrong way.  We were probably 2-3 miles in the wrong direction.  I could tell we were getting close to some roads...but the trail was getting more difficult to travel (and I was scared of snakes and bears...and hunters, because I started see deer blinds in the trees).

After some discussion, we decided to try to climb through some barb wire fence.  Thankfully, our little adventurer had brought a towel (to sit on at lunch), but it provided good protection from the barbs.  Val and I used our feet to hold the first layer of wire down, while pulling up on the second wire and let the kids slide through.  Somehow we made it through without a scratch!

We knew we were trespassing (due to the No Trespassing signs), but we didn't really have a choice....we really felt that if we walked back, we would be worse off.  At least here, we were near civilization.

We made our way to a dirt road, and finally came across a nice lady who gave us a ride back to my house.

We found out later that her father owns the land we trespassed on, and that we were lucky he wasn't home.  She said if he would have caught us, he would have sent us back through the wire to find another way home (hopefully he would have taken pity on us with three children.  We obviously  weren't teenager up to no good in the woods ;)

But, we made it back:)  It was quite an adventure!

4th birthday party

For the first time, Nathan asked for a birthday party.  Honestly...I didn't want to throw him one this year.  I was hoping I could scrape by one more year...but this kid has never had one, so I couldn't say no.

I asked him who he wanted to attend and he said, "Katrina, Stephen, Carly, and my sisters"  (all of these kids are 5-6 years old than him, well except for his sisters.  So, we worked on the guest list a little bit more and planned a birthday party at the park.

Thankfully the weather was really nice and since we homeschool, we got to have the party on a week day and only scare off a few toddlers wobbling around the play ground ;) Actually, the homeschool kids are really sweet and actually invited some of the other children at the park to play with them.

It was my most laid back birthday party yet.  We had PB&J sandwiches, chips, and water/juice.  Nate asked for brownies instead of cake.

The kids mostly just played on playground, with our stomp rocket, and on the nearby football field.

 We asked for no gifts....but if someone couldn't come without a gift...then a hot wheel car would be perfect.  So, Nate got about 10 more hot wheels, and two fun tracks.  He played with them for almost 5 hours that night!  It was perfect for him!

 We had another little cupcake celebration for him that night.

I think he had a really good fourth birthday!  We love you buddy!

Grandma, Conservancy, the Pier, Oh my!

We spent a few days in Naples at the beginning of the month.  The main goal was to spend a little time with my grandma who is staying with my parents.  We only get to see her a few times a year...at most.  However, one morning, we needed to get out of the house for a little while.  So, I took the kids to the Naples Conservancy.  I haven't been there since elementary school.  It was a really nice morning. They have some beautiful exhibits.  

This was the history of Florida's watershed, and the problems that have come up due to rapid growth this century.

A protected Indigo Snake.  I like snakes that are behind glass.

We were watching a video about Florida panthers I believe.  You can see the exhibits behind us though...really nice.

Their little touch tank is always fun.

We took a nature walk tour and learning about some native plants and butterflies.

 We also listened to a presentation on Florida reptiles.  The kids all touched an alligator.  We were suppose to go on a boat ride, but a little four year old I know wouldn't put a life jacket on.

That evening, I convinced my mom and grandma to come to the pier with us to watch the sunset.  We are thankful for the handicap pass that let us park close to the pier, and for free too!

Mom, Nicole, Grandma 'Mimi', Hannah

Beautiful.  I love this place!

Hey look...it's me!  I never seem to make it into pictures.

Great- grandma Mimi with the kiddos.  She is 86 years old.

Nathan enjoyed watching the pelicans dive into the water for fish.

ahhhhhhh........

Baptism

Nicole was baptized on Sunday, December 1.  This decision was made after several months of praying and talking with her about obeying God in this simply command.  She didn't want to be baptized for a while, but came to us out of the blue one day and told us that she did.  I asked why and she said, "Well, I prayed and asked God about it, and he told me that I needed to obey his command and be baptized."  Can't argue with that, right?

Buried in likeness of His death...

Raised to walk in newness of life

Nicole has had a deep, and sincere love for the Lord for several years now.  We don't push our children to "ask Jesus into their hearts".   We share the gospel with them...often.  Sometimes several times a day.  We read the Bible, we talk about God and work to share His love with them.  But, we don't pressure them.  They are children, and I'm pretty sure I could coerce them into doing or saying anything I want them to.  I don't want to coerce them into 'asking Jesus into their hearts'.  This could be a false sense of salvation, and we don't want that.  We want them to know they are saved because they came to a point of repentance.  They need to know how desperately they need Jesus before they can understand how wonderfully He saved them :)

With Pastor Andrew

"Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life."

[Romans 6:3]

Happy 4th Birthday Nate!

My sweet, handsome, loving, fun, ornery, goofy, adventurous, sports loving little boy is 4.  I can not believe how quickly these last four years have gone.

I remember, plain as day when I was holding Nathan in my arms and he was about 9 months old and I though, "This little guy will not be a baby for long.  Very soon, I won't be able to pick him up. Not to long after that, he will be taller than me.  Then, I will give him to another woman, and pray I have helped to raise him into a hard working, loving man.  Not much later, he'll have his own little baby, maybe another little man, in his strong arms.  And then, it'll be me he's holding.  An old woman, about to pass from this life with my son holding my hand.  My son....who I am holding at this very moment as a baby will grow much to fast for me."

Seriously, these are the things I think about.  I am sitting here, weeping as I recover this memory, from just 3 1/2 years ago.  I knew it would happen, and it is.  It's happening to fast.  He is proof of it.  My little buddy, my little guy, my little man is already four.

I know to some that doesn't seem very old, but I'm having hard time letting go of that baby...and he doesn't make it any easier by reminding me that he is a "big boy" now and doesn't need to do a lot of the stuff he needed, even just a few months ago.

Nathan is a special blessing to our family.  He keeps us laughing, praying, and occasionally crying ;)  It's a challenge to see that strong "man's will" rise up in him because as much as I want to foster that independence and leadership, it also needs to come under authority.

It's tricky thing to raise a little boy into a man.  Good thing he has a wonderful example in his father to look up to!  Nathan and Jeremy have spent more time this year playing baseball together

and learning to play kick ball.  Jeremy is teaching him the symbols and names for the baseball teams.  It's something Nate looks forward to go over with Jeremy at night (and sometimes get goofy when saying the names).  He loves to have pillow fights with his daddy, and for daddy to wrestle with him before bed.  They already have memories of watching football, and football movies together (Nate still talks about his "favorite move"  Facing the Giants, that he watched with daddy when the girls and I were out).

 He adores his daddy, and I'd be pleased if he grew up to be just like him one day.

Nathan loves his sisters.

 Simply adores then, often to the point of annoyance.

 He has special moments with both Nicole and Hannah.  I have seen a new dimension to his relationship with them this year as he has grown to communicate with them better and be able to play along.

 He likes Nicole to read to him, and to explore and adventure with him.

 He lets Nicole pick out his clothes (and especially loves when they match camo together).

He and Hannah have been buddies since day one.

They are often found playing together,

 making each other laugh,

tickling each other, pillow fighting together,

swinging with one another

and ride bikes along side each other.

My prayer is that these three would grow up with a close relationship that they can rely on through their adult years.

Nathan is a sweet boy to me.

 He always picks me flowers.  In fact, yesterday he apologized because he didn't pick me any flowers while at CC!  Isn't that sweet?  He is sensitive to how I am feeling or acting, and always quick to give me a hug if I look sad (or if I act sad to sneak an extra hug for the day).

 We have a special time each day where I snuggle up with him just before naps and read him a book.  I have found that this time is just as important to him as it is to me!  He is crushed and heartbroken if I don't take those 15 minutes.  I truly look forward to it.

Nathan doesn't often get alone time with anyone, so when it happens, it is ultra special.  He knows it and completely changes how he behaves.

Often, he will start that alone time with, "So, how was your day?" similar to how Jeremy and I talk at the dinner table.  Quite simply, he is a good natured, sweet little boy.

98% of the time.  But, that extra 2% or so...whew boy....you better watch out  ;)

 Although his tantrums have greatly improved over this past year, there is still a glimmer or two of them, and he has learned to mostly take the screaming, kicking, and hitting down to simply standing, stone faced in defiance.  It's disobedience and disrespect still...but it's less visual (and truthfully less embarrassing)

Nate isn't afraid to be adventurous, as was demonstrated on Jeremy's birthday swing from a 300ft drop (which he says he won't be doing again...mostly because he had to wear pink ;)

He is usually bold and brave, but sometimes he is also timid and shy.

He loves to find ways to help around the house, unless he's to busy playing with cars ;)

I think back on his 11th month, and that crazy hair that wrapped around his toe, that stuck us in the ER for 5 hours!

He still loves his blanket that I made for him before he was born.  To this day, he likes to sleep with it, and Shamu (and he especially loves his blanket, freshly warmed out of the wash!

Nathan is 100% boy.  He loves all noises that come out of a body

He loves to be outside playing, and is interested in checking out things he finds on our nature walks.

He also loves video games and playing on the iPad (and is perfectly the manly right of passage of "watching while sleeping")

We are so thankful Nathan is in our lives.  He has challenge us over these past four years, but he has also brought a lot of laughter and wonderful memories.

He loves to be crazy with Hannah

And even to be sweet and calm with her.

He always brings a smile.

Although he's outgrown this bike, it took him many miles.

Walking hand in hand with his big sister.

They absolutely love each other!

He has always loved bath time

and pool time.

Add caption

Maybe one day he'll be a ball player

From the first day he was born, even to this day....this is often how you will catch Nathan sleeping.  

Nathan- we love you, we are thankful for you, and we pray for you often.  May you grow up to be a man who loves the Lord, serves his family, and works hard as a man of integrity.