The day I started barking

About two weeks ago, my friend shared this story on Facebook.  It's about a mother who realized she was yelling at her children far to often.  Her first instinct was often to assume the worst and start yelling at her children.  Until one day, she realized that when out in public, or with others, she was able to exhibit the self control not to yell (even at the craziest of circumstances), so why would she do it at home in private.  Why treat her children worse in private than she did in public when others were watching and noticing.

This story hit home.   I know I had started yelling far more than usual.  In fact, while reading this particular story, I was laying...face down on my couch, while two of my children were upstairs yelling at one another (hmmm...wonder where they learned that from!).  Their fight ended with crying on one end, and temper tantrum on the other.  All the while, I'm reading this blog post and listening to the chaos upstairs, realizing that this all went together.  My children's attitudes were a strong reflection of my own.

I think that almost all parents struggle with this in one way or another at some point in their parenting. Some parents do it more, some do it less.  I tend to go in waves that seem to directly correspond with the stress and/or pressure in my own life.

So, I realized at that moment of listening to my own kids scream at each other that something needed to change.  I was not even close to being the Godly example I want to be for them and this needed to change.

I read another post by the same lady who said she promised her kids that she would not yell at them for a year and she had some fun (and funny) things she did to avoid yelling at her children (btw, I do not endorse some of her alternatives...but most are funny).  I shared some of this with Jeremy, and my kids listened.  I think they all thought I was a little kooky, but I made a secret little promise to myself to stop yelling at them.

Instead, I shared with my family what some of my ways to avoid yelling would be.  The two best ways would be.....barking....and tickling.  Yep, barking.  Like a dog.  That weekend, I had many moments to yell at my children.  But instead I would say, "I'm going to start barking soon."  Everyone would stop what they were doing and smile.  (A few times I had to demonstrate, but it always turned into laughter...I mean, who can keep a straight face when someone is barking at you ;)

Now it's become a family joke.  When it gets crazy, or I feel like no one is listening....I'll start to bark....or tell them I'm about to.  The funniest time is when Jeremy looks at me, then at the kids and says, "Uh oh guys....looks like mom is getting ready to start barking....let's get this done".

It's been almost two weeks, and I have not once gotten in anyone's face and yelled at them (a little back story....I would almost always ask/tell very nicely, sweetly, then more firm, and on and on....and the room would not be clean.  But, as soon as I got in a face and yelled, it would be done in less than 10 minutes....SO Annoying!  It would make me so mad, and ruin everyone's day!)  But, I have not done that in two weeks.  That's all...it's only been 14 days, but there has been a change.  The days with the kids, albeit not perfect, have been more pleasant.  We still have tantrums, and the kids still fight, but I've noticed their tone with each other has changed.  We are dealing with our anger and sinful natures in different, more respectful ways.  Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his rage, but a wise man keeps himself under control."  

Yep...we all get mad.  But, we must train ourselves to be wise.  We need God to restore the broken, sinful, foolish hearts of ours and allow him to make us wise.  I don't know...I may yell again, and I'll repent and ask forgiveness, but I am thankful to see the Lord working in this area of my life.  Our family is happier, more content, shows more love and respect, and it's all around better for everyone.  The outside pressures on me that I always blamed my yelling on hasn't changed, but my perspective has.

When reading the original article, I realized that if I give this to the Lord, He would help me.  He would change me.  And, the bonus is that although he's changing me....he's also changing my children as they learn to imitate me.