Sometimes I think the reason God allows us to have children is to teach us more about Him. I have learned so much in the last 6 1/2 years of being a mother. I feel like my children have been used to help me see my sin in ways that would not have been exposed. I see it in the way I respond to them on a bad day. I see it in the way I see them behave and respond to others (as they mirror my own bad attitudes and selfishness). I also catch glimpses of unconditional love, forgiveness without guilt and acts of simple kindness that pierce the heart. I am so thankful for my children!
The other day, my son was having a bad day. He was struggling with his emotions, throwing tantrums throughout the morning and afternoon. Finally, it was nap time. I knew he needed it. I even knew he wanted it. Sometimes it is best to give them what they really want and need...rest.
The problem is....he was having such a bad day, that he decided to fight even his rest. For the next two hours we struggled.
I would remind him it is nap time and ask him to go to his room.
He would sit on the stairs and stare at me.
I remind him that with disobedience comes disciple. "Please go to your room."
He would sit and stare, maybe even throw is body one step down with an attitude of defiance.
I would walk into the kitchen (he would know what I was getting).
He would scream NO! (but continue to sit on the stairs).
I would gently remind him again that it's time for a nap. "Please go to your room."
He would again, sit and stare.
So, up the stairs I would climb.
At this point, he would jump up. Scream NO and turn around running, covering his little behind.
By the time I made it to his room, he would be under his covers.
I would spend a few moments talking to him about his disobedient heart. I would remind him that when he disobeys me, he is disobeying God and that it will not go well with him. I would tell him that I love him to much to allow him to disobey. Usually at this point, discipline would come in a couple of different forms. We would hug, and I would tuck him into bed. I would then walk downstairs...and within 5 minutes this would happen all over again. For almost two hours!
I finally became so discouraged and was ready to give up and walk away. I was upset and frustrated with his defiant attitude. With his desire to live in disobedience. I stood in another room and cried. I told God that I gave up and wanted to quit.
Then I remembered a Bible verse I had quoted to friends that very morning. Romans 1:28-32
28 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. 29 They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
Romans 1 is an interesting chapter that reveals the sin of man. How God has made himself known through all time, yet mankind continues to go his own way. To ignore God. To not follow His ways. Nope...mankind continues to do what we want, we even chose to not acknowledge God, worse yet, we know his righteous decree, yet we do not follow them. For centuries, God pursued His people. He was always there to give comfort, peace, hope and love...but he was also there to invoke disciple when they strayed, when they disobeyed. Hebrews 12 tells us that God disciplines those he loves. All throughout the Bible we find stories of God's people disobeying him. He then disciplines...in lots of different ways (check out Numbers 16). But, as a loving father he is there to show forgiveness and seek reconciliation then to teach and guide his people.
You see, it struck me yesterday when I was ready to call it quits. I was ready to "give" Nathan up to his disobedience...until I was gently reminded that that is a last measure. For almost 32 years God has been patient with me. I am not always obedient....in fact, I'm disobedient far more than I am obedient. But, for 32 years He has sought to discipline me as a loving father. He has not giving me over to my debased mind. I know that because I see His work in my life. Yes, I rebel....but I then repent and become reconciled again with the One who died for that very sin.
If God has been patient with me for so long, and I pray will continue to be patient for many more years, then I can be patient with my three year old. I must be patient with him. I pray that God would be patient with Nathan as well (and all my children for that matter), and I know He will. Even as a young boy, it's important for my son to learn that with disobedience and defiance, come disciple. But Godly discipline does not stop there...no it continue to repentance, reconciliation and is done with much love and compassion.
So, for the final time that afternoon...I took my sons hands and prayed with him. I thanked God for his patient and loving dealing with me and prayed that He would rescue my son from his sin. I prayed that God would continue to discipline me with love as I sin and that He would teach me to discipline my own son with love as he learns to obey.
After two hours of fighting and crying, sleep finally fell upon my sweet boy. He woke up revived and refreshed. His attitude had completely changed. And I was given another chance to know my God in a way I had not known Him before.
How often do I run away from God, covering myself, knowing discipline is coming, but running away none the less, instead of acting with humility and obedience towards my God who Saved me.
