In Awe

Some days I am simply in awe of my children.  The girls have been looking through photo albums of them as babies...especially Nicole.  I nearly started crying the other day looking back just 3 1/2 years ago.  It's amazing to watch them grow!

The other day, Nathan was crying at nap time, so I went in to hold him for a moment.  I had him cradled in my arms and turned around and caught of glimpse of myself in the kid's mirrored closet doors.  I had one of those "moments". 

All of a sudden, I was in awe that I was holding a little baby that would grow up to be a man one day!  To think that, Lord willing, he will be a man, a husband, maybe a father....is a thought to big for me to comprehend fully. For the next few months, I have the honor to hold and take care of a little boy who will quickly grow to big for me rock to sleep.  A little boy who will soon (hopefully) tower over me. 

I've heard many mommas say that the more children they have, the more laid back they become as they learn to treasure the few precious years we have with them while they are small.  I feel that way a little bit.  But...I think Nathan is surprising me, because he's a boy.  I realize there is a very small period of time for me to freely love on him and hold him.  Soon, this little baby boy that I hold and kiss and whisper to daily will grow into a man who will one day have a different woman to hold him, a woman he will protect and provide for...and maybe even little girls to hold in his then strong hands.  The fact that he will quickly grow into an adult is much more real to me than the fact that this will also happen to the girls. 

I love my little Nathan.  I love his smile, his laughter, his sparkling blue eyes.  I love his little noises...I love that he almost always passes gas as he's waking up (a trait I'm sure will never go away! haha...it's a guy thing, right?), I love that he's so little and sweet....but I also love the thought that one day he will be grown up.  My goal over the next few years is to treasure my moments with him.  I am his mother, his only mother....I had the pleasure of bringing him into the world (although ask me then and I'm sure I wouldn't have said it was a pleasure! ha)....I have the honor of caring for him and raising him...and one day, I hope to see the fruit of my labor in a strong, loving man with simply the memory of holding him as a small babe.