Overwhelmed with Gratitude

It's Friday...the week is almost over...and none to soon!  Whew, it's been a crazy week and I think just about every human emotion has been felt this week.

However, the most overwhelming emotion of all has been that of complete humility and gratitude.  I can not even express in words how I feel towards my family and friends who so quickly came along our side all week. 

Tuesday morning when I realized the miscarriage was actually going to be painful, I called my friend Jennifer and asked her to come pick up Nathan.  I could not care for him.  I was in extreme pain, having real contracts and labor...which was completely unexpected to me. Within half and hour, my sweet friend packed up her three children and was here to whisk my sweet baby boy away....who had been crying his crib because it was the only place I could put him.  Although Jennifer thought she would have Nate for just the day, she ended up keeping him for nearly 36 hours.  She was gracious enough to keep Nathan over night when my bad day turned to worse. 

A few hours after Nate left, Jeremy ended up taking me the hospital because I was hemorrhaging, with no sign of it getting better.  Faster than a speeding bullet (really), my dear hubby had me the Emergency Room, ready to knock down anyone who got in our way.  Without me even knowing what was going on...my dad left his job to pick the girls up until my mom got off work.  I am so grateful for their quick response time that allowed Jeremy to be with and take care of me the rest of the afternoon.

Within a minute of getting placed in an ER room, my doctor came through the door...and she was a gift from the Lord. I actually personally know her...grew up with her daughter and had complete trust in her as a physician.  I knew that I was in great hands and care with her. I was so thankful that she was there.  I found out later that she was actually headed home after, I'm sure, a long shift.  But, when she saw my name come up, she stayed to take care of me.  So compassionate.  I am so very very very thankful that she was there.  I get teary eyed thinking about it.

After several hours in the ER, waiting for different test results to come back, it was determined that I needed to get a D&C.  I won't talk to much about this, but it was a procedure I was trying to avoid...but became absolutely necessary to stop the bleeding.  My ER doctor could not perform this operation, an ob/gyn was needed.  I asked her to call my old ob/gyn whom I had not seen in years because I had been using a midwife. She warned me that he probably wouldn't come because I wasn't technically his patient anymore.  Another gift from my Heavenly Father....Dr. Thompson remembered me and instantly said yes.  He was there much more quickly than I anticipated and within and hour or so, I was in pre-op getting prepped for my first ever (and hopefully last) visit into the Operating Room.  I did begin to get scared, but all of the people who were there were so kind and compassionate...they helped me not be afraid.  They ended up putting me completely under and even put a tube down my throat (that was not fun...my throat is just now starting to feel better).  The procedure only took about 15 minutes and instantly stopped the hemorrhaging (Thank you Lord!). 

Because it was so late in the evening, the OR was empty and we had the recovery room all to ourselves.  The night time nurse was so nice and even worked hard getting a TV to work.  I had to stay several more hours receiving an iron infusion because I had lost so much blood. But, thankfully I didn't need a full blood transfusion (sounds scarier to me).  We were able to come home after midnight.

All while this was going on, my buddy Teri was putting together a meal rotation for our family and setting up people to help me take care of my kids.  My mom kept the girls Wednesday and made us dinner. Thursday, my friend Jami kept Nate and Hannah (Nicole stayed home to help me) and she even brought me dinner and breakfast for the next morning.  I know we have a few more nights of dinner coming.  Today is the first day I have been out of bed. The kids are napping (and I'm on my way there).  I am exhausted from the blood loss and have been battling a post-op migrain, but other than that I have no pain at all.

My sweet children knew something bad was going on.  Tuesday before we went to the ER, they girls were so very good for me.  I told them I was very sick and I needed to them to play nicely and color or cut paper or whatever.  Nicole kept cutting out hearts for me and slipping them in the bathroom.  She would bring me little cups of water. She was so sweet. Her "maternal" instincts kicked right in...and she was just trying to do everything she could do to make me feel better and make me happy. She was such a sweet gift to me.  I will remember that always.

 I am so very grateful for the friends and family who have surrounded us.  I could not have cared for my children over the past couple of days without them.  When I think about their love and sacrifice toward our family, it brings me to tears.  I wish I had better words...but THANK YOU to everyone who has helped us through this week.  The kind notes, flowers, labor of love and sacrifice...can never be repaid. Thank you my friends for everything you have done. We greatly....Greatly appreciate it!

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD

Then Job arose and and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshipped.  He said,

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,

and naked I shall return there.  

The LORD gave and the LORD has taken 

away. 

Blessed be the name of the LORD."

Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.

Job said those words after receiving a message that all of his children had died after their house collapsed (from a great wind...think tornado), after all of his oxen and camels and slaves were murdered, and after a fire burned up the sheep and servants with them.  All in one day!  Very tragic, very difficult...he lost everything his had and all of his family in a matter of moments or hours.  YET....yet...he did not sin and he did not blame God.  What was Job's response?  "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD".  He worshiped God. 

That's what happens when tragic things happen to people who know the one true God.  When everything seems crazy, confusing or lost...where do you turn?  Back to God...but not in rage or anger or frustration.  No...in worship! 

Lord, help me to be like Job and worship you in times of difficulty.

Although the news we received this morning was not as terrible when compared to Job's, it was difficult, emotional and saddening.  And, the one verse that kept ringing in my mind was "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the LORD."

Last night, I started noticing some problems with my pregnancy.  After talking with my midwife, I layed in bed the rest of the night. The problems did not stop...they got worse.  This morning, I received an ultrasound and was told that, although by the calendar I am 12 weeks pregnant, the baby stopped growing sometime after 8 weeks.  And, there was no heartbeat to found.  After the 45 minute ultrasound, my mind felt confused, hurt and sad....but my heart kept saying "Bless the name of the LORD, Bless the name of the LORD."

This is not my first miscarriage.  I had a miscarriage before I was pregnant with Nicole.  It will be 6 years ago in about two weeks.  THAT was the most difficult time in my life.  I don't often think about it, because I do still become emotional.  I remember the uncontrollable sobbing, however, I also remember crying out to Jesus...because I had no where else to turn.  After several months of healing and learning to trust the Lord in a deeper way, I became pregnant with Nicole...and, well...the rest is history. 

I have not had a lot of tragedy in my life, but the difficult moments always bring me back to "my first love".  I KNOW that I KNOW, that I KNOW that I can trust the God of the universe.  The God who knows me and created me.  I know that "all things work together for the good of those who know Him, who are called, according to His plan" (Rom. 8:28)  I know that each day has been ordained before me, written in His book, even before one of them came to be. (Psm. 139:16)

I do not know the answers to the questions people want to ask. But, I do know I can trust the One, True Living God and follow the examples of great men and women of old and say "Blessed be the name of the LORD."

Jazz in the Park

Tonight, on a very impromtu invitation by my friend Jami, the kids and I hopped in the van, grabbed a Hot-N-Ready pizza and headed down to the park for a jazz concert put on by a local high school band.  Sometimes, the best of times come with no planning at all. After a nice picnic dinner with my friend Jessica and her little cuties, we settled in for an hour or so of jazz music with Jami and her daughter Vanessa.  My girls love their little friends, and Nathan had a great time just wandering around, "jumping", dancing, and pretend instrument playing. 

They spent a few minutes on the blanket coloring while waiting for the music to start.

Once the music started, Hannah had a hard time sitting still.  She just wanted to dance.

and dance...

and dance.  Nicole joined in as well.

Little Vanessa got in the action as well.

And finally, Hannah's friend Aleya wanted a piece of the fun.

These two are super cute together.

They always giggle together.

It's so fun to see my little girls making friends and learning how to be a friend.

I am quite certain that these little ladies will be a big part of my girls' lives because their mammas are a big part of mine.  I'm thankful to have friends like them.

Mother's Day

I think yesterday was the best Mother's Day I have ever had.  We went to church (worked in the nursery, which honestly...was not fun.  Actually I cried.  We had a lot of kids and lots of little "issues" to deal with), but then we had a yummy lunch at California Pizza Kitchen, took a long afternoon nap and had a picnic on the pier as the sun was setting.  We even saw a few dolphins.  The kids were wonderful and made sure that "mommy didn't work" all day long!  Every time I tried, someone would come take the broom handle from my hand or tell me to sit down.  It was nice.

I do want to say something to my mom...and Jeremy's mom (and our dads too).  The longer we are parents, the more we understand the sacrifices you have made for us as we grew up.  We know that we were often not appreciative, or even happy, about those sacrifices...but now, as adults we see them and honor them.  We know that sometimes you said No because it wasn't safe, and sometimes because you just couldn't swing it financially.  We know that sometimes you made us do things, not to torture us, but to teach us the value of hard work and contentment.  Thank you for your years of love, dedication, prayers and sacrifices.  We love and appreciate you.

Front Yard fun

I don't know why Jeremy went outside, but he did.  A moment later, all three kiddos followed of course (because they are pretty much his shadow when he is home).  A moment later, Nate sat on the bench, all by himself, watching the cars drive by. It was cute!  Then...the girls joined him and we had a picture perfect moment.

Then, lots of not so perfect moments as we then began to force them to all smile at once (see how well that worked!).

Smile Nicole and Hannah

Awe, super cute of Hannah and Nathan...but, Nicole...you just made that expression.

I don't know what to say

OK, we almost had all three of them smiling in this one.

Finally, the kids all ended up out in the yard playing ball.  Well, it was mostly Nathan and daddy playing ball. 

Nate really likes balls and his bat.  He will even grunt count to three then throw the ball and bat at each other to try and hit it.  He's cool like that.

I love this face he makes when he is getting ready to throw ball.  He pretty much always grunt counts to three before he throws the ball. 

This is the moment I always want to remember

Hannah was freaking out because a few rain drops fell.  All of a sudden she is terrified of rain (and even more so of thunder...we have a long whiney summer ahead of us!).  She pretty much begged us to come inside most of the time we were playing.

More pictures of daddy with two of his little ball players.

So excited!

Looking for a ball (or a bunny) in the bushes

Pitching the ball to Nicole (you need to zoom in and look at Nicole's face. funny.

A Horse and His Boy - A Narnia book

Last week, we finished reading out loud the 3rd book in The Chronicles of Narnia series, A Horse and His Boy, written by C.S. Lewis.  Although this book is labeled as the third in the series...it was actually the 5th out of 7 to be written.  However, chronologically, it falls between The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and Prince Caspian (King Peter, King Edmund, Queen Susan and Queen Lucy are ruling Narnia during A Horse and His Boy). 

I simply love this book.  A couple of summers ago, I decided to read all of the Narnia books.  It was my first time...and I so enjoyed it.  Lewis wrote these as stories to his grandchildren to help them learn about and understand some of aspect of God.  There are certainly moments in the books that remind me of who God is.  Let me share a couple here.

This book is story about Shasta, a runaway boy and a talking horse, Bree who was kidnapped from Narnia when he was a colt and was trained to be a military horse.  They both escape from their masters for the long journey to Narnia.  One night while traveling, they find that they are being chased by a lion (both are terrified).  At the same time, they discover they are riding beside another horse and rider...both running from the lion.  After crossing a river the two horses and riders discover they are all runaways...all four heading for Narnia.  Reluctantly, they decide to travel together.  (now...I'm skipping a lot here).  After crossing the desert, trying to beat the Calormen army to Archenland (read the book to understand), they are nearing a garden with large treed walls that is occupied by a hermit.  Just before making it to the garden however, the lion shows up again.  He races and jumps on the back of Aravis and Hwin ( the "other" travelers) and gives Aravis some deep wounds on her back.  With the lion hot on their tails, it gives the weary travelers the extra "push" they needed to get to the hermit, and safety, quickly.

Once there, the hermit tells Shasta (who had jumped off his horse to help Aravis) to continue running on foot to reach the King of Archenland to tell him about the army on their way for a surprise attack.  Shasta runs, and runs, and runs.  Although he was weary before, he finds the strength to continue.  He reaches King Lune and his hunting party.  After sharing the details about the surprise attack that will soon take place on his kingdom, the king offers Shasta a horse and speeds away to his castle with his army.  Shasta quickly falls behind, makes a 'wrong' turn and travels all night long through the fog up a mountain path.  Again, he discovers he is not alone. After swallowing his fear, he begins to talk to the person (or thing) walking with him.  He finds that he talking to the great Aslan...the High King of Narnia....a lion.  This is the part I love (and will quote now in another color).

After sharing the story of his travels (along with the lions along the way) 
Shasta says, "Don't you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?"

 "There was only one lion," said the Voice.

"What on earth do you mean?  I've just told you there were at least two the first night, and-"

"There was only one: but he was swift of foot."

"How do you know?"

"I was the lion."  And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis.  I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead.  I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept.  I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time.  And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you."

"Then it was you who wounded Aravis?"

"It was I."

"But what for?"

"Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers.  I tell no one any story but his own."

"Who are you?" asked Shasta.

"Myself," said the Voice, very deep and low so that the earth shook: and again "Myself", loud and clear and gay: and then the third time "Myself," whispered so softly you could hardly hear it, and yet it seemed to come from all round you as if the leaves rustled with it.

Shasta was no longer afraid that the Voice belonged to something that would eat him, nor that it was the voice of a ghost.  But a new and different sort of trembling came over him.  Yet he felt glad too.

I love that part of the book.  It ties all of the other parts together.  It remind me that God is always in control.  Although we may think we are in control and making our decisions, He is there the whole time...not surprised...and even working in our situations and our life for his perfect plan to come to pass. 

The cool thing is...Nicole understood that this Lion was safe and good, but that he was also the same lions she trembled at earlier in the book.  Both Nicole and Hannah enjoyed listening to the stories (Hannah would usually fall asleep).  Nicole would ask questions throughout the day about the story and we would all anticpate reading more at nap time.

There were a few things I changed while reading the book.  The Caloremen (who hated Narnia and worshiped a false god) would talk about other gods and even pray to them.  These were generally short areas (a sentence or less) that I would skip over.  Now...we do talk about idols and false gods with the girls...but I thought this may be more confusing as a fictional book.  So...I skipped over a few of those references.  I also said donkey instead of "asses"...that was just language of England and I didn't want to introduce that word to the girls.  There were a few other words I may have skipped or used differently while reading, but it was just because they were words I didn't want to explain yet or tackle for the girls (gouls for instance). 

I chose to read this Narnia book because it deals very little with the White Witch who put a curse on Narnia for a long time (again...I just don't want to introduce that yet)  I was surprised how much the girls enjoyed listening to this book.  I may consider reading The Voyage of Dawn Treader next (my second favorite Narnia book :)

We have now started reading a biography about Helen Keller, a woman I introduced a few weeks ago while learning about our senses.  The girls both look forward to reading time before naps (and to be honest, so do I).  I try to alternate between a fictional book and biography of sorts.  So...Helen Keller it is for the next month or so.

I have plans to read Where the Red Fern Grows later this year as well.  Anyone have any suggestions?

O...Octopus

Another week of My Father's World complete.

This week was O...Octopus.

Our phrase was "Even the Octopus gives praise to God".

Our Bible verse was Psalm 69:34 Let Heaven and Earth praise him, the seas and all that move in them.

Although our letter was suppose to stand for Octopus, we talked more about the ocean.  I borrowed every single library book on the ocean and ocean dwelling creatures (not really...but I did have about 20 books).  Our favorites were Hello Ocean (which has an awesome Lapbook here.  I did this lapbook with Nicole last summer.  And, it tied in nicely with our five sense from last week.), Follow me (a mother octopus leading her 8 little ones around a reef), and several others about sharks, eels and whales.  I found a great series that had one sentence per page and Nicole actually read the book to me (well, I helped with words like "throughout", but she did a great job!)

We painted an ocean mural on a large sheet of paper and when the girls got "bored" throughout the week, they could color another sea animal and add it to the mural.  I was hoping ours would look really pretty like this one....but instead, I got a bunch of rainbow colored animals that were hastily glued to the paper.  However...not all was lost, they did learn a lot about the different animals and can name several now that they couldn't name before (manta ray and sea anemone for instance).

Wednesday we were going to go to the beach...but were greeted with extremely heavy smoke from a large fire burning in the Everglades.  The winds just pushed the smoke into our town and it was pretty bad.  Poor Hannah girl could hardly contain herself.  She was a puffy eyes, snotty, sneezy, coughing mess.  There was no way we could sit on the beach that morning.  So, instead we opted for second best (well...first to me), we watched Finding Nemo at my mom's house.  I did have to fast forward through a few parts (the sharks freaked the girls out).

But, all in all, I think they enjoyed the movie.  They loved naming off animals they saw and we later talked about Nemo's choices and the  consequences he suffered for his disobedience to his dad.

Later in the week, we also watched Oceans, a film by Disney (via Netflix instant watch feature).  It had beautiful cinematography...however there was rubbish in there about how life forms started in the sea and yada yada yada.  When I sensed those times were coming, I would start asking the girls questions so they would be focused on me at that moment, or a couple of times, I just flat out told them that what that man just said is wrong and introduced the idea that not everyone believes God created them.  Other than those couple of moments, which I know the girls don't remember...it was a fascinating film.  Both Hannah and Nicole were very "into" the stories of the animals.  They were captivated by the whales breaching, the thousands of crabs that covered the sea floor, the beautiful lion fish and ugly...I forget that fishes name...but it was ugly!  They really enjoyed the video.

Finally, for lunch today, we had Octopus and seaweed (hotdogs and tinted ramen noodles).

Let me say that this is the first time I have ever cooked a hotdog for my children.  They have eaten them before, but not because I cooked them because I am disgusted by them.  However, it was a quick and easy (and fun) lunch.  They really enjoyed eating their octopus and Nate liked playing with his seaweed.  I got the idea from here.

Yay for another fun week of homeschooling.

It's what I do....It's who I am

I think I am a pretty normal mommy.  Most moments of my day revolve around caring, feeding, wiping, protecting, teaching, playing, disciplining, laughing, crying, changing, or just being with my little ones.  It's what I do.  It's who I am.

I have a hard time carrying on conversations with people without bringing up my kids...or talking about how funny they are, or how crazy they make me, or how much they challenge me.  This weekend, we had a double date with some friends who do not have children, so I was trying to be considerate in my conversations and not just talk about them.  But, do you know what happened?  I ended up not talking much at all.  I can't help talking about my children.  It's what I do...It's who I am.

There are people in my life who offer me "breaks".  An hour away to go grocery shopping alone, a morning to run errands or just get some "me" time.  I appreciate that...but honestly, when those times come, I feel a bit lost.  I look forward to time away from my children, but when I get it....I want nothing more than to get them back.  I seem to be a bit lost without them.  It's what I do....It's who I am.

This season of my life is filled with runny noses, dirty diapers, potty training, homeschooling, lots of cleaning, cooking, preparing and playing.  But this is what I do...It's who I am. 

So often I hear mothers apologizing for their quirky behaviors or feeling bad for themselves because they don't have a paying job or an exciting hobby.  But you know what....this is what I am pouring my life into now.  I may not get to sew as much as I'd like to, or exercise every day.  I may not be the perfect "house wife" (who wants to married to their house anyway?) or expert in design.  Maybe a day will come when I do have more time to pursue other interests...but right now, my main interest is my family - serving and helping my husband  and loving and teaching my children. No apologies.  

It's what I do...It's who I am.

U--US

U--Us...God made us Wonderful.  This was our theme this past week from My Father's World.  Our Bible verse was Psalm 139: 12, 14: "For you created my inmost parts, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."  (a side note...I really think that if my girls memorize and understand this verse it will help them through some of the difficult times later in life that girls often face.  If they understand the truth that they are fearfully and wonderfully made...that they are specially created by God, then maybe...hopefully it will help them through those perilous teenage years where girls often feel ugly, inadequate and wrongly made.  Lord...let this verse penetrate the hearts of my children so they know they are perfectly made by you, even when the world tells them they are awkward, ugly or undesirable).

So, this week, we studied the Five senses; sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing.  We had a lot of fun learning about how God made our bodies to experience the world, playing games about our senses and learning how to read when we are blind, or speak when we are deaf.

Touch: I blindfolded Nicole and gave her several different objects that she felt and had to explain and then guess what it was.  Then, I took the sense away by putting socks on her hands.  This activity helped her learn how important her skin is to her sense of touch.

Hearing: I had the girls turn their backs on me while I made a noise with an object (a ball bouncing, a spinwheel spinning, an object opening, etc.) and they had to guess what was making the noise.  We also walked around the house and listened for noises we often don't "hear" because of how cluttered our sounds can be.  Throughout the rest of the week...Hannah made me a little crazy with all the *gasp* "Mommy, did you hear that?  A sound!"  and Nicole made me crazy with all of her (very good) questions about how sound travels and why can we hear sounds that are outside when we are inside.

We talked a lot about how our ears are made and how sound travels through our ears.  I wanted to make a large ear model...but never got around to it.

Finally, we also talked about people who can not hear at all.  I taught them the alphabet in sign language.  Nicole actually has picked up on several letters...this seemed like something she would like to learn more of.  Hannah just makes all kinds of crazy movements with her hands...probably shooting gang signs like the best of them:)


Sight: Although I should have...we did not walk around the house blindfolded and give directions....I probably should do that.  But we did learn about Braille and Nicole had to decode a message "written" in braille. 

Nicole's braille worksheet from Enchanted Learning

Smell: Again, the kids were blindfolded and they had to smell different items form the kitchen and guess what it was.  They smelled pepper, onions, marshmallows, apples, peanut butter and other objects.  Then, I had Nicole eat a slice of apple, while I held an onion under her nose.  This was to introduce the concept that our sense of smell and taste work together.

Hannah smelling a marshmallow

Nicole smelling pepper

Nicole smelling peanut butter

Nicole smelling an onion while eating an apple

Taste: Finally, our sense of taste...again, we blindfolded each other and tasted different foods.  Cake, cotton candy, raisins, sugar, salt, lemon juice.  They had to use the words; sweet, sour, salty or bitter to describe the taste.  When the lesson was over, I asked Nicole what the bumps on her tongue was called, she said, "Taste Dudes" :)  Close enough I suppose.

Nicole tasting something...maybe a potato chip

Hannah insisted that I played too...so I am tasting a raisin I think.

I got some good worksheets including the worksheets on braille and sign language from Enchanted learning.  Of course we also worked on our math and phonics.  It was a fun week filled with lots of hands on learning activities.

But....I'm really excited for next week:-)  Stay tuned.....

Annie

This past Thursday and Friday, the Academy at our church put on the musical Annie Jr. (just a short version of Annie).  We were invited to join our pastor's table because they had their granddaughters down and so they thought the girls may enjoy sitting together. 

They had fun giggling together before the show.

And going backstage to meet Annie.

The production was very very good.  There are some very talented young people at FBA.  Nicole did not move the entire hour.  Between every song or set change, Hannah would turn around and ask me, "Are we going to watch another one?"

After the show, the girls...well, mostly Nicole, wanted to go see some of the characters again.  Although, I don't think she understood at all that they were actors.

At the end of the night she said to me, "Mommy, I think I am becoming friends with Annie" :)  I think because she got to see her before and again after the show. haha.

Janet and the girls snuck out right when the musical ended ( I think the little one was very tired and still a bit sick), so we didn't get a picture with everyone...but we did get a picture with Pastor Wicker.  The girls love him.  They remind us to pray for him every night and are always excited when they get to see him.  I think it's kind of neat.

We also got to see our buddy Hunter.  He was on a special dress up date with his mom...so he was looking suave that night.

It was a fun evening spending time with my two sweeties.  We had front row seats, enjoyed some wonderful talent and delicious dessert.