The Mommy Dance

Tonight I performed several different renditions of "The mommy dance". You know what this is, slyness of an undercover detective, acrobatics like a dancer, slowness of a sloth all with the goal of getting a baby to sleep then slipping out of the room before they know it. You know the dance, and probably do it too. There are several types, all performed to different music, such as whimpering, screaming at the top of the lungs, painful cry, and the most difficult of all, silence. yes, silence is perhaps the worse because you must keep your own beat, and pray there is nothing on the floor that a slipped foot will hit. Occasionally your performance is disrupted by another person's noise, yes, the other...usually older child. It is most difficult to integrate the other child's music into the song of silence. All you can do is freeze your dance, in hope the babe will sleep.

What on earth am I talking about? Hannah is such a crummy sleeper! It's so hard because I know what she wants...ME! She wants me near. She is fine if I am next to her bed, touching her back, but the moment I walk away, she simply looses it. How on earth did I create this in her? Or did I? I have done everything I know of to help her learn to sleep. I really don't mind waking up, that's not the point. I will go on tomorrow and A-OK fine. I haven't been up all night, just an hour or so. I'm just bummed that she is still not a good sleeper.

And....tonight Nicole actually woke up with the crying. Or should I say, After. This was frustrating because she was wide- awake. She's so sweet and cute, "Mommy, me take biiiiiggg nap". She's so proud, only for me to squelch that and tell her she needs to go back to bed. She got up two more times until I *think* I've convinced her to stay in bed (of course purely through guilt...I pretended to be her dog crying, wanting to go back to sleep, but I can't because Nicole is out of bed, hahaha. I wonder how long this will work). *edit* It didn't last long...she's back up again. OK...now the big threats are coming out. No more Mrs. Nice mommy...

Every attempt to put Nicole back to sleep forced me to continue the dance. Every crack of my bony feet and sound of my toes sticking to the floor threatened to awake the sweet, sort of sleeping babe, and force me to perform all over again. For now, it seems, they are both back to sleep. It's 5 and I'm suppose to "wake up" in 30 minutes. Do I dare go back and lay down? Perhaps.

But, I will say this....I love my girls. I love the way Hannah snuggles into me when I pick her up. I love how cute Nicole looks in the dim light of morning with her messy hair in her face. I love the way Nicole smiles with pride after sleeping (almost) all night. I love the way Hannah instantly stops crying when I pick her up. I am so blessed. I love my life. I love my family. I wouldn't trade them, or any part of them, for anything in the world....not even more sleep.