Actually, make that, just one of thos weeks (picture me rolling my eyes). I'm really struggling with keeping up with everything. Nicole of course is a sweet little girl, but oye! She's really pushing me on some issues (as in nap time right this very moment!!!) She hasn't been a great listener and just when I'm getting frutrated with her, she does something really cute or sweet and it make my frutrations go away. Which sometimes makes me even more frustrated...does that make any sense at all? hahaha. I feel like I can't catch up on anything. My house feels never picked up. There are always dishes in the sink (and drying on the counter), there's play-doh on the floor, stepped on cheerios in the play area, dried up milk under the table, dirty clothes in the bathroom, clean clothes in a heaping pile in the girls' room, drying clothes on the clothes line, dirty clothes...well at least there where they should be, in the clothes hamper. Jeremy is so great at constantly reminding me why we have chosen for me to stay home and teach and train the girls, but sometimes I still lose my focus. OK, to be honest...almost all the time I lose my focus. It's not even that I need more help...I just feel like I can't be GREAT at all things. I can be GREAT at one thing, and so-so in everything else. I can have a super clean house, but then the girls don't get as much attention. I can play with the girls all day, but then my house is a disaster, dinner doesn't get cooked and more cherrios get smashed into my already dirty floors. I long to be a wonderful wife, wonderful mother, wonderful friend, wonderful homemaker, wonderful teacher, all at the same time! Why can't I be all at once? I feel like my husband and my daughters deserve this. (Ok, this is not a pity party...I know I'm a good mommy and a good wife...I just want to be better, which I don't think is a bad thing) I don't always understand why God takes so long to change a person. We are so used to instant gratificiation, instant results in our fast paced culture (think about it...instant rice, faster internet, disposable diapers, dinner in a bag you microwave for 4 minutes, diet pills to make you loose weight in a week, or better yet....surgery to make you thinner, you lips fater and your eyes less saggy....everything is done fast!). It's so hard to be patient and allow God to work in my life...to change my heart and mind. I want a mind like His...I want to be used by Him, to Glorify Him with my life...especially where I'm at right now, in my home as Jeremy's wife and Nicole and Hannah's mother. But, I struggle to know how He can be glorified in me as I constantly struggle with the same sins every day.
Jeremy and I were reading an article last night that reminded me of God's Sovereignty. Why do I constantly put my trust in others...even in myself when others and myself always fail. Why is it so hard to put my trust in Him...the creator, not only of the universe, but of me. He is really the only one I can fully trust and stand on. He will never fail. But I seem to always struggle with this...somehow I think I know best. What foolishness! Nicole and I were reading this morning about Noah and "The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time." Gen 6:5 and "...because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from chidhood." Gen 8:21 (just a portion of it). Without the Soverign Grace of God, every inclination of my heart is evil. But, now...since I have the Holy Spirit...I don't have to satisfy the desires of my sinful flesh....but I can live by the Spirit. This really is where the battle lies. Every choice I make throughout the day is a choice of responding and gratifying the flesh (acting out in anger, frustration, pride, etc) or of resonding and living by the Spirit, (It's fruit being love, joy, patience, kindness...etc). God promises that if I "live by the Spirit, you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature." (Gal 5:16). He even says they are in conflict with one another (Gal 5:17). So...this is it then...what will I do today? Will I live by the Spirit, or will I gratify the desires of my sinful nature. It is much better to live in the Spirit.
Now, for news on the girls...um...really no news. We went to the park today, a different one than normal. It was a lot of fun. We had lunch and chased ducks away from our food. Hannah of course spit up all over me and herself. Nicole likes to swing (high of course). Pretty normal right now. Nicole's new phrase is "all by myself" (although it sounds like she's saying "applesauce" haha)She not only says it when there's something she wants to do all by herself, but also when she seems something done with no help. For instance, we were in an elevator this weekend and the door close "all by myself". So...that's really cute.
Wow...this post went everywhere! hahaha. It was good for though to have a little Bible study...thanks for joining me:-)
3 comments:
you are a great wife, mother and friend that is what counts. not whether you have a clean house, dinner made or cheerios free floors. don't be so hard on yourself. you get the joy of being home with your girls when it matters most, even if Nicole won't take a nap when you need her to the most. i don't stay home with Logan but i feel your pain. sometimes a mom needs some time alone to re-energize herself. take some time for you, it will work wonders. if i was there, i would take the girls anytime so you get your time too. i'll be thinking of you, hang in there.
Thanks for the Bible Study, I enjoyed it. Yes we should all live by the Spirit, but yet we still experience anger, frustration and things that are not of God and then we have to ask for forgiveness.
FYI, I got a piece of that German Choclate Cake you mom wanted so bad. Your Mama Pat made it for her and then they have the nerve to say I am spoiled because I am the youngest. Your mom told me she would take my place and get spoiled so I guess that is what she did. The cake was good. Your mom told me, it was beautiful flying into Columbus, the sun shinning and the changing of the fall leaves. It is very pretty up here right now, but cold at night, burr!!! low 30's.
Ask your mom if she brought you back a piece of German Choclate Cake.
Thanks for sharing. God Bless,
Aunt Julie
I know I'm a little late posting (actually just getting caught up on the blog site from being away)... sometimes when I read it I laugh so hard I cry, other times it touches my heart so deeply I just cry... b/c your desires and frustrations are so real... a few thoughts from a recent bible study (studying Exodus... it's way cool)
** There's a difference between grumbling and asking for our needs..A grumble is when we r blaming others for our needs...and no assurance that our prayers will be answered, when we ask and tell the Lord our needs He will answer...
**God will turn our bitterness into sweetness if we will only ask
**Every test of God reveals something about our weakness
**God's ways are never ever our ways
**We have such limited resources God's are unlimited and inexhaustible!!
** God has provided all we need for spiritual growth but we must be willing to eat day by day.
Eat daily, apply it, digest it. If we don't we will starve to death.
**God will always stand w/His obedient servant
We forget so often that we have do not stand alone, God will stands with us!
thanks for sharing your heart with those of us who stand with you.
Grammy
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