Do you ever do something and later see the error in it? I just did
I like to blog for several reasons.
1. There are some grandparents and relatives who check regularly and they get to see a glimpse of our lives even though they are far away. If not for this blog, they would know very little about Nicole and Hannah, and whatever else I choose to share. So, primarily, I blog for them.
2. I also blog to keep a record of our family: events, stories, pictures, special occasions, every day fun, etc.
3. I like to blog for my friends who also read it. Sometimes I share more personal struggles because I think it helps them see that when they have a bad day, they aren't the only ones. I am encouraged when I see that others I look up to and respect also struggle with disciple or eating or whatever. It helps me to continue to persevere when I read their stories...sometimes in the heat of the moment, and others in retrospect.
4. Sometimes however, I use this blog as a outlet for myself...this is where I go wrong. I get frustrated with people who always act like their life is perfect with no problems, worries or issues, because I'm pretty sure NO ONE'S life is like that. As much as we try to put our full hope, trust and reliance in the Lord, we are still human and struggle through our days. Sometimes I share more of the story than is needed.
This is where I went wrong the other day. I could have shared a perfectly nice time at Rookery Bay with my girls and no one would have known any more than that. Yet...I chose to share about my difficulties with Nicole and Hannah in the past few days and I fear I shared to much. I have received numerous e-mails and phone calls, some just wanting to encourage me, others wanting to offer me advice, and I'm sure there are a few of you who shook their head in shame at me for not being able to "handle" two and here I am having a third soon. No one seemed to remember the cute pictures or good times we had that day. I thought I was writing a bit tongue and cheek and a bit real to show that life is not always perfect. I hoped to also be somewhat of an encouragement to a friend who may have had a rough week too...but this was not the case.
What I regret the most however, is that I shared to much about Nicole's rebellion in a way that, if she were older, may bring her shame. If you ask my mom, I'm pretty sure she would tell you that I have never once gone to her and poured out any anger or frustration I may have had with Jeremy (ok...honestly, I'm very rarely ever frustrated with him...he's simply the BEST!). But, from the day we got married, I made it a point to never defame his name to my parents, my friends or others. I want to always say uplifting and encouraging words about him to others.
However, I have not had this philosophy with my children, and quite honestly, I think this is shameful. Especially when I share specifics on the Internet, on a blog that really anyone could find if they wanted. My greatest regret about yesterday's post is not that some people think I'm either incapable of raising my kids or that they pity me or that they think I'm foolish, because none is true....but that I defamed Nicole's name and gave specific information in public about her rebellious heart.
We are all sinners. We all have rebellious hearts. One of the most difficult things about being a parent is seeing that rebellion so early in our small children, and then going after that with the Word of God. Often times as parents we try to make our kids "act right" but deal not with their rebellious hearts and nature...it's far more difficult to do that. It's much easier to each them to behave than it is to help them see the sin that causes that bad behavior. However, Jeremy and I have set out not to have "good kids" because that's how they are "suppose to be". But, to help them see their sin and their great need for a Savior, Jesus Christ. Without the hope of the cross in our discipline, there is no hope at all. But, this is so hard to teach and so hard to learn. I have grown more spiritually since becoming a mother than at any other time in my life because my own sin nature quickly comes out in the forms of anger, greed, selfishness, and pride.
I see that I have gone off and talked about something a bit far from the origin of my topic. My point is this...I am going to try to not use this blog to publicly defame anyone in my family. I will continue to share funny stories, sad stories, pictures and outings. But, I will try to show more discretion in my posts because, just as I don't want to ever speak negatively of Jeremy to anyone, I also do not want to speak negatively of my children either. There may be private conversations when I'm seeking advice or encouragement that I may share, but I will not do it on the blog again, Lord Willing.
Nicole, one day when you look at these blogs, know that I ask for your forgiveness and I'm thankful God gave you to me as my very special and sweet daughter.
I am turning off comments to this post. If you have something to say, then you can e-mail me on this one. If not, that's fine...I just wanted to get this off my chest and move on.
Stay tuned tomorrow for pictures of our "Girl's Night". The greatly anticipated event all day today.
